The Dangers of Laptops and Other Muggle Items
by PerfectPrefect
Summary: After reading several slash fics about himself, Percy Weasley decides to write for ff.net. This is NOT a MST, and it's well written . R/R


A/N: This is meant to be funny, as if what Percy would do if he stumbled upon FF.net. I have nothing against slash, I just cannot find a straight Percy fic.lol. Please don't flame me for this, it is not meant to offend...just meant to make you laugh.

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The Dangers of Laptops and Other Muggle Items

**I** was truly amazed at how Mum and Dad let me spend the winter holiday at Penny's ski house in Vail, Colorado. True, I told my parents that Penny's parents were going to be there as well...actually, I told them that it wasn't Penny, but my best mate, Oliver Wood. Oliver was there too...but there was no sexual risk about me and Oliver. Besides, Oliver slept in the guest room, Penny and I got the master bedroom (Score!!!).

That's one of the beauties about being the "Perfect Son", anything that you say, parents believe. If Fred and George had brought up anything about going to spend the holiday at Lee's condo, Mum and Dad wouldn't even hear of it, not after they both came home drunk a few weeks ago. But me, I was the one who turned them in for their drunk flying exhibition. Thus, I would _never _do anything that was against their will (man, they had me down at such a queer!).

Anyway, I found myself quite amused by Penny's ski home, alone. I mean, she came from a Muggle home, so she had all these interesting contraptions such as telephones, televisions, and a computer! Oliver was quite amused by this virtual Quidditch game that he found on-line, although he had much more grace out on the field then on the mouse. And you would know when he was playing virtual Quidditch because you'd hear cuss words echoing throughout the house.

I, on the other hand, was more fascinated by reading stories posted on sites where someone could just write something and then post it, without having to get it censored, or anything. I used to think that censorship was something that was completely against the natural law of speech....that _was_ until I landed on a site entitled "Fanfiction.net". Now, I guess that someone leaked out about the magic world, because there were _tons _of stories written about me and my mates by _Muggles_! I could type in any of my mates' names, and then stories about them would appear!

Penny saw what site I was on, and she quickly hit the mouse, closing the screen.

"Bloody hell! What did you do that for?" I cried, hitting the 'back' button.

"Trust me, Percy..." She said, "Some of the stuff on there will scar you for life if you read it!"

I should have listened to her, but I was too curious...I thought at worst that it would maybe show me getting into trouble or something, but nothing...._nothing _could have prepared me for what I was about to read...

"Hey, Oliver, come over hear." I called to my friend, "Here's a story that says Oliver/Percy slash."

"Slash? What does that mean?"

I shrugged, " Beats me. I guess it means that it involves the both of us in the story, or something."

"Cool."

You'd think that one of us would have noticed that Penny was lapsing into a fit of laughter over in the corner, but we were too involved in our reading. The first few chapters of the story started off seeming innocent enough with Oliver and I talking about school and Quidditch, sitting through Snape's class...and then:

_"Percy leaned in and kissed the handsome keeper softly upon his lips. He knew this was wrong, but he could not control the burning desire which was growing in both his heart and loins."_

I think I choked, Oliver almost fainted, and all we could both say to that was, "What the fuck?"

Penny managed to calm down, only after she took a picture of the expression on our faces, "Slash means male -on-male."  
"Why would someone ever want to write something _that _perverted?!" I gasped.

"For the same reason why you lads like those girl-on-girl magazines!"

Oliver shook his head, "But that's _wrong_, Percy and I are straight!"

"They don't know that. they use Fanfiction. net to live out their pornographic fantasies, no matter how untrue they might be..."

I looked up at Penny, "What about ones about you and me? I mean, we're a real couple."

Penny shrugged, "Well, there are a _few _written about us, but not many people seem to like me because I just provide truth that you are attracted to women."

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Sick! Just bloody wrong! That is why I decided to post something on this Muggle ff.net. I mean, come on, why don't you so-called "slash" writers just consider for half a minute that maybe...just maybe...those who you write about as gay may be straight and reading this whilst their girlfriend stares over their shoulder! And..uh...guys, for my sake how about a nice NC-17 fic involving myself and Penny? 

-Percivale Alexander Weasley

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Hi...it's Penny, Percy was an idiot and left his story on the screen before sending it, so just **don't** write any NC-17 fics regarding me and Percy....he was just being a perverted male when he was thinking of that idea...

-Penelope Elaina-Marie Clearwater

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